Good News For Indians

Indians Love to Piss. They will piss anywhere. It is a national pastime. They are equal opportunity pissers. This lady sudha murthy got really upset that these blokes piss everywhere. And the women folks cannot do the same. So what she does is builds these Pissers all over bangalore, and you have to pay one rupee for a small piss. Indians don't want to pay. Indians like free things. they want everything free. they no want to pay. sudha murthy gets more upset. she complains to NR. NR does not care. he is busty trying to speak like americans. He is almost there, his twang is almost there. and he is least bothered. And he can piss for free at any sudha murthy pissers. sudha murthy has a brilliant idea now. she prints coupons, calls it sudha murthy piss coupons. The catch to hook indians is, she says you buy this coupon book and for every piss you pay the next one is free. Bingo. Indians love it. People form long queues to buy these coupon books. Business is good. Still some of the indians do not buy into this scheme. Sudha Murthy starts thinking again. She comes up with this idea of a Sudha Murthy Piss card.
You buy this card and for every piss you get two free pisses. People start buying these SM Piss card. In the meanwhile infosys programmers are working day and night to support this project. NR is happy programmers are working hard and making name for themselves and to love of his life sudha.
NR says god bless sudha in his newly acquired american accent.
One thing about sudha murthy, she is always thinking of improvement. She talks to Nandan Nilekani. She wants to link the Adhar to sudha murthy Piss system. with a slight modification to her sudha murthy piss system, the adhar card will allow you to Piss at the sudha murthy pisser, or this is the clincher, you can piss anywhere you want. Let us say you are
pissing on the stree right next to some temple and the Dafedhar deranna catches you pissing in a public place, you can show the adhar card, dafedhar cannot do anything about it. Now everyone wants the adhar card. Because indians love to piss anywhere they like.
Now internationally, the sudha murthy piss card is accepted all over the world. Sonya was in italy talking to the pope at the vatican. she wanted to take a leak. Pope tells her it costs 5 euros at the vatican urinal to piss. Sonya produces the sudha murthy piss card and she pisses for free. As an international gesture of good will she gives him SM piss card. Now SM Krishna is saying
that the piss card is named after him. Now pope pisses for free at the vatican urinal. Sri Sri Ravishankar does not need them, because he is like jesus, no piss and no shit. He can eat as much as he wants and produces none of it. That is why he is always smiling.

not really negative

i am not really a negative kind of person. but i look at the people surrounding me and i just wonder what's wrong with these people. can't they think. ibm corporation at one time had the sign "THINK" in all the offices. a few years back there were no rains in bangalore area. and the then chief minister had this brilliant idea to walk to talakaveri in coorg to bring rains to bangalore. that's really good thinking. and then he puts on his designer walking shoes, designer shades and ofcourse designer walking outfit and his favourite designer wig. he walks all the way upto kengeri and suddenly decides to continue rest of the journey in the accompanying automobile. obviously the rain gods did not appreciate his action and so there were no rains. this is just one example of the incompetence of these people who are governing this state. and yeddiyurappa decides to change the spelling of his name so he can become the chief minister. he then visits all the temples of the state to get the blessings of some religioius goons. and this kind of people are at the helm making policy decisions.
of course we also have visionaries like narayanamurthy and sudha murthy.this morning i read narayana murthy becomes the advisor of hsbc bank with an annual remuneration of 55 lakhs. that must be nice. for a man who is nothing but a supplier of bodies for american corporations getting this kind of monies is not bad. mysore kamalamma also had the same credentials, for she also supplied bodies but she does not get any name recognition. this is a cruel world.
i also read this morning some junior cricketeers are returning victorioius from some tournament and there is a big procession form airport to cricket stadium during the peak rush hour. that should be fun to watch. last week it took me 3 hours to come home from the airport around 6 in the evening. and these cireketeers will get several lakhs of rupees in appreciation of their win. i wonder who's money is being spent.
so this goes on and on.
see you tomorrow.

march 2, 2008

this clown rk misra gets facilitated again. times of india had a whole page reporting this event. so many pseudo sophisticated ass wipes of bangalore attended. i am curious what this rk misra going to accomplish. it has been three weeks since they coronated him and i do not see any changes. traffic still crawls all over bangalore and the rest of the country. still no drinking water for half the population of bangalore. no end to corruption in government offices. yeddiyurappa celebrated his 66 th birthday and he gets a garland weighing 66 kg's.
are we stupid. have we lost it. who cares about yeddi's birthday. what's the big frickin deal. i want to see rk misra with a shovel in malleswaram and work on the underpass. we have so many other idiots like rk misra in india. that joker sri sri ravishankar is one. if you listen to him for five minutes you will throw up. that is a guarantee. and there are a few other cologned reformers like ramesh ramanathan and this guy has been in the bangalore circle for more than five years. guy gets lot of press coverage but zero accomplishment. i want to see a Robespierre with half a dozen guillotines descend on india to clean up the mess. thanks for reading.

february 29, 2008

another day in this piss poor country called india. this marwadi controlled news paper just recently started a campaign called lead india to sell more paper. india is already in the toilet and don't know where else times of india wants to lead india. they called this fart of a guy called r.k misra the winner. every day some organization is honoring him for winning the contest. this is so pathetic. so much of time and money is wasted in this. nothing changes in india. it has been more than 60 years since india gained independence, we cannot build proper roads with drainage. our sewage system is hundred years old and every time it rains raw sewage flows like a river. so how can this sapless sap rk misra change all that. he just goes about getting honored and giving speeches. actually i live in a place called malleswaram in bangalore. and they are building a underpass near the old malleswaram circle and every day i see some two or three laborers dong some work. it seems the contractor needs to bribe the government engineers to get any payment, some of them refuse to bribe these scum bags so work is almost not happening. i wish r.k misra would come and do some manual work and get things rolling. may be he can invite the losers who campaigned for him to join him and build this underpass. no chance of that happenig. because to take such an initiative you need guts and class.

vanya

my favorite actresses and actors

List of my favorite actresses (not in any order)

1. Lee Remick
2. Elizabeth Taylor
3. Silvana Mangano
4. Kim Novak
5. Heddy Lamar
6. Gina Lollobrigida
7. Grace kelly
8. Dolores Hart
9. Madhubala
10.Meena Kumari
11.Rita Hayworth
12.Catherine Deneuve
13.Claudia Cardinale
14.Deborah Kerr
15.Donna Reed
16.Leslie Caron
17.Juliet Binoche
18.jean Seberg
19.Meryl Streep
20.Audery Hepburn
21.Bette Davis
22.Ingrid Bergman
23.Greta Garbo
24.Julie Christy
25.Jane Fonda
26.Brigette Fonda
27.Naomi Watts
28.Marlene Dietrich
29.Lauren Bacall
30.Shirley MaClaine
31.Mia Farrow
32.Vivien Leigh
33.Marilyn Monroe
34.Barbara Stanwyck
35.Lana Turner
36.Goldie Hawn
37.Anna Magnani
38.Brigitte Bardot
39.Jean Peters
40.Paz Vega (sex and lucia)
41.Erica Marozsan (gloomy sunday)
42.Leela Naidu

List Of My Favorite Actors:

1. Laurence Olivier
2. Montgomery Clift
3. Marlon Brando
4. Glenn Ford
5. Burt Lancaster
6. Charles Boyer
7. Peter O'Toole
8. Yves Montand
9. Al Pacino
10.Robert DeNiro
11.Peter Falk
12.Marcello Mastroianni
13.Woody Allen
14.jack Nicholson
15.Anthony Quinn
16.Yusuf Khan (Dilip Kumar)
17.Warren Beatty
18.Humphrey Bogart
19.Gerard Depardieu
20.Maurice Chevalier
21.Jean Paul Belmondo
22.Alain Delon
23.Jeremy Irons
24.Gary Cooper
25.Maxmilian Schell
26.Spencer Tracy
27.Frederick March
28.Victor Mature
29.Dirk Bogarde
30.Peter Sellers
31.Charles Chaplin
32.Buster Keaton
33.Ray Milland
34.Harold Lloyd
35.Edward G. Robinson
36.Gregory Peck
37.Cary Grant
38.Robert Mitchum
39.Dustin Hoffman
40.William Holden
41.Alec Guinness
42.Oskar Werner
43.Walter Mathieu
44.Jack Lemmon
45.Alan Arkin
46.Richard Burton
47.James Stewart
48.Errol Flynn
49.Clark Gable
50.Van Heflin
51.Steve McQueen
52.Paul Newman
53.William Powell
54.Tyrone Power
55.Charles Laughton
56.Claude Rains
57.George C Scott
58.David Niven
59.Joseph Cotton
60.Gene Hackman
61.Michael Caine
62.Steve Martin
63.Tom Ewell

Guru Review Courtesy IMDB (fzkl)

Guru is what you get when you combine a cash starved director/producer high on cocaine under the influence of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead trying to help an upcoming actor whose popularity ratings are as high as pathetic the movies under his belt are.

It is not tough to imagine that when the title of the movie is the name of the protagonist, the movie should be a three and half hour ad for the protagonist. But really, Abishek Bachchan is so over-hyped with very lame movies to his credit that he badly needed a good movie to justify all the hype. However, if he thought that a movie with Mani Rathnam titled Guru would give him the credits he was badly mistaken.

Then I wonder, how did Mani Rathnam manage to make a movie as lacking in substance of any sort as this one? Then I reel back and realize that all his good movies most often never made money because they were never for the masses. Most had a serious tone and were of the depressing sort. But good movies they were and hence ended up not making any money. Probably realizing that he might not have enough life left in him to make money, better now than later, he has concocted a commercial lame a** movie.

Within the first half hour you are subjected to two pointless songs. This is followed by the bearable first half of the movie. The ability to bear only arises if you are the kind who likes the rags to riches kind of story and is all waiting to know what happens next. The music is bland and is best described as a collection of sounds from previous AR Rahman tracks. Nothing original here. A DJ in a club could spin better sh*t. Add to this pointless entities like Aishwarya Rai, Madhavan, Mithun Chakraborthy and Vidya Balan and you have the perfect recipe for a commercially successful film. I have no doubts this movie will go on to make a lot of money because the movie gives the viewer just what he wants to see with no scope for using the brain. The cinematography (the usually saving grace of the worst of Mani Rathnam's movies) is mediocre at best.

Mithun Chakraborthy gives me nostalgia of an earlier generation of stars I watched while in my childhood. Vidya Balan is cute but that is all there is to it and I might as well go to go-ogle image search to admire her cuteness. Not sure if the 170 bucks was worth it. Aishwarya Rai looked true to her age of 35. Old and wrinkled. While I thought that way in the early part of the movie when she was supposedly playing young, she looked like a granny when she was supposed to look 40ish. She should give up on the movies and see if she can play a dumb and deaf grandma in one of the soaps, well enough. It would be too hard to be bad at acting at least in this role.

As the movie progresses, so does the overconfidence of Gurukanth Desai and the progressive misery of Abhishek Bachchan's acting which culminates in an Indianized version of the courtroom scene that comes up in The Fountainhead. While its a disgrace to mention the book in the same article as this movie, its simply the truth. There is a line in The Fountainhead, after the courtroom speech by Howard Roark that goes "Roark stood, his legs apart, his arms straight at his sides, his head lifted - as he stood in an unfinished building. Later, when he was seated again at the defense table, many men in the room felt as if they still saw him standing; one moment's picture that would not be replaced". It is quite clear that this was the effect Mani Rathnam was trying to obtain out of Abhishek Bachchan's dialog in the climax but it ended up something like "Gurukanth Desai stood, his hands bent like a leper as he would on an old building overlooking a lake. Later, when he left the silver screen and reappeared as Abhishek Bachchan the public thrashed him so bad that for a long time in his life he felt as if they kept thrashing him ever day for aping Howard Roark; one moment's picture that he would definitely like to forget".

The saving grace of the movie is how the introductory credits were put across. Names printed on possibly a typewriter. Verdict: No good movies have been in theater in the recent past and if one is desperate, then of the existing movies this might be bearable.

Update: A friend of mine reminded me of the Vidya Balan - Madhavan lip lock and I had to include a line on that. I remember reading somewhere that kissing consumes more calories than sex and a full workout. I don't know if thats true, but what I do know is that the dude dehydrated Vidya Balan to death!.